He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
