How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
