Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
