I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
