Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
