Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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