Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
