dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
