I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
