she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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