Are we in a gay sports bar?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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