I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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