It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
