How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize