I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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