there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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