A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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