i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am available for nakedness
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
