And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
