dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
