Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
