Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize