Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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