I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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