I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
