I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
