I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
