I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
