Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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