omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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