Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
