I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He? As in you personified your dick?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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