Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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