rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
