M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
