I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
