just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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