Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Did I show you my penis last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
