worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
