Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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