not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
