Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
