I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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