I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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