Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
