Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
