i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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