shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sponge bath it is.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
