Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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