Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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