I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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