When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
