Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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