i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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