I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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