I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize