Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
