I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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