I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
