I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
