Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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