shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
