Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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