he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ttyl tear gas
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
