i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
