we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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