when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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