I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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