so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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