I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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