just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
