The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
