dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize