Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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