he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
