I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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