my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
