I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
