8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I know her cup size but not her name....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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