MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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