No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
