1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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