The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
