We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
