return my video game
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You need Xanax blowdarts
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
