where am i from again
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
