My underwear smells like fireworks.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
