I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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