When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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