I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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