he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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