your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
