I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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