We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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