Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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