Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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