Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize