So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
