Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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