You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
