i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
