I am in a vortex of obligation.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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