It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
