im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
