yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize