and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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