Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
