shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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