I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
