I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We got so high we made milksteak
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
