she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
