So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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