I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
