I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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